The forgiven notes..

Sambil berjalan-jalan di Google tadi, saya terserempak dengan satu lirik lagu ni. saya selalu dengar, tapi tak pernah peduli pun apa lirik dia and whatnot. Tapi bila baca, sangat sedap, dan saya rasa agak meninggalkan kesan dalam hidup saya kot. Here's the chorus part...

Siapakah di antara kita

Dengan rela menjadi pendusta

Siapakah dulu membina harapan

Dan siapa yang memusnahkan impian

Tanpa sebab dan alasan

Kau lahirkan perasaan

Bagai taufan tiba-tiba datang

Dan menghilang

It's a song entitled Mimpi Yang Tak Sudah by Ibnor Riza (er, God knows who he is).

I don't know how to elaborate my current feelings. It's a mixture of everything. Confusion, satisfaction, empathy, revenge, hatred... and love.

I did something technically quite wrong last night. Something I should've avoided long ago. But that couldn't be helped.

I should've been happy for all the unfortunate events. Patut rasa macam terima piala, rasa puas hati tengok kejatuhan orang. But that didn't happen. I lost, once again, each time I fell backward.That is supposed to be amazing.

I no longer see the sparks...

But I feel the other way around. I wished there were still love. I wished we could talk like we used to before. I wished we can laugh all night together. I wished I hadn't had this feeling.

I am probably overwhelmed with guilt and sympathy; calling myself the real culprit. This; should be curtailed.

I noticed you were staring with hopes. I tried not to look back, trying not to fall for that. 'Cause the other part of me tells it's temporary. You don't need me to go on. You only need my company when your world is falling apart. And when everything goes back to its track, I become Anonymous once again.

This shouldn't happen. I shouldn't let this happen. I don't know whether I play a big role in your failure. The fact that you now suffer hurts me. But life has to go on. You have to move on. I know you're strong enough to maneuver this whole mishaps. You always are, as I can see the smile you draw, even in your greatest despair.

Kita doakan yang terbaik untuk awak, sentiasa.