Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Lirik Sayang – Dayang N Marcell

Masihkah kau ingat
Janji cinta kita dulu bersama
Masihkah kau rindu
Saat-saat bila ku bersamamu
Jangan kau siakan cinta ini
Janganlah hilangkan segala-galanya


Kau bintang yang menyinari hidupku
Kau cahayaku

Tiada lagi yang sama sepertimu
Kau hanya satu
Percaya padaku
Cinta ini masih seperti dulu
Hatiku merasa
Segala-galanya yang kau rasakan
Tanpa kau di sisiku kini
Hidupku kan tak sama lagi
Ulang Chorus

Jangan kau siakan cinta ini
Janganlah hilangkan segala-galanya

Ulang Chorus

13 weeks 3 days

i miss u my half-cut

wait for me ya...

Rescue Me

i was going to title this post ‘rescue me’. but when that title came across my mind, i just realize there’s none to ask for help but myself.

and at first, i thought i was the little hand reaching out for other’s to be rescued. but turned out, both hands were my own.

well, dear love… just breath sayang…

I believe in CHANGE

Do we have to believe in change ? That’s the next question.

Change happens, whether we want it or not. And you may pretend that everything is the same, but it is not.

One day, a friend asked me if ever I choose society over myself, and I replied I’ve chose society once just to learn that I should have choose myself. And the pain is still the same, the wound is not healing at all.

But whatever I choose, change happened. Like it or not.

I can only imagine what would it be if ever I choose myself that time. I would not be running like this, instead I would be staying and caring for my precious. Preparing to have my precious in less than 20 weeks.

But that’s not the change I’ve had and still having. I would not refer it as a change actually, but a loss, total loss. Since I chose the society, I lose everything. I’m not changing, but losing. Literally everything. In my words, death is a better fate than this.

Yet, I have to deal with this loss cause apparently I’m still breathing. The loss change me in every aspect of my life, if you want to call this a life. I have new pair of ‘eyes’ to see this world in a whole new perspective. And these perspectives I have are not easily accepted by the society, I couldn’t care less.

Change happens, change had happened. I am not the same person I was. So does the world as I see it, which I couldn’t care even less. But it seems the world can’t afford to lose one person to play in its stage. It’s like in every way, it tries to draw me back in the name of ‘change’. ‘Change’ as this world wants me to be, and ignoring what I’ve become. How funny is that?!

And I cried my eyes out today trying to convince the world that I don’t belong to their precious place. I am a dye in their milk pot. As the matter of fact I’m the trash and should be put in the trash can cause I chose to be one.

Pretending to open your arms and saying that everything is still the same, the past is already behind, while we all can see my stain is not likely going to fade/gone, is not helping at all. It only worsen everything that’s already worst.

Change happens, and I don’t have to believe in it. It just happens. And I am suppose to be able to accept that change, no matter how good and/or bad it is. So do you.

Read me..

This is sad. I deserve better, I deserve the best. Not from you, not from anyone, but from myself. And the way to give the best to myself starts with some respect.

I respect myself as a fine (if not sophisticated) woman, with lots of brain, lots of passion, kind-hearted and caring. And I can also stood up for myself. Strong feet to support my own life. Skillful hands to carve my own destiny. Yes, I do respect myself.

Dear one, loving in my fullest is my nature. Yes, you are lucky (maybe a lil bit more) to be loved by me. Cause I’d give you the fullest and I already did. Not a single regret, just gratitude for love is love, pure and unconditional.

Unfortunately, some failed to see my way. And some just missed their shots. That’s okay. We all are supposedly to learn the lessons, right ?

Now, read me.

Let’s play some respect from now on and from here on. Not for you, not for me, not for the world. But for the lesson we’ve (supposedly) learned. The price of that lesson is a life. Price that nothing in this world and/or beyond can repay. The least we can do is putting some respect on it. Don’t you think ?

And this has been so sad. For everyone that’s involved. And surely respect is not in the equation at all. That is why this has been so sad. None of us deserves this. And surely some respect would be a good start to make it decent for everyone.

(in realization that you are in your finest spot in your life, dear.. be grateful and i am thankful for being able to see you in your finest)


Life is all about choices, some say. And yes, I too agree. From daily lives to the major choices of our lives. From choosing what food are we going to eat today to to what are we going to do with our lives.

Long time ago, with a friend who’s very dear to me (oh how I missed him so..), I had a discussion about choices of life and how every single choice that we make would bring us places but not in certain things. Those things (according to him) are birth, mate, fortune and death. At that time, we were young (in terms of age in this particular life) and we haven’t made many choices to be regretted for. But we came to a ‘silence’ that night, ‘silence’ I can’t ever forget. ‘Silence’ that says ‘here we go, choices are waiting’.

Many years gone by now, we surely walked our own path and made the choices of our own life. Right or wrong is (surely) not the subject (and so not my subject). And our choices did take us places. He’s got his own company now and I just can’t wait for the moment I’d inhale a breath and never exhale it back.

Gratitude or regret is the common reaction after we make our choices. If the choices are beneficial in anyways, gratitude would be uttered. And if we don’t find any beneficial (as per our terms), we’d pose a regret.

Both, gratitude and regret, are reactions after we make an act of choosing. Having the reaction after an action is normal, in fact its nature’s law. That’s why life has its ups and downs. I, personally, am still trying to enjoy this ride, to the max. I’d have no hesitation at all to laugh as hard as I want and to suck the pain in its every iota part in terms of enjoying this ride to the max. And I have.

But, instead of lagging on reaction, I figure to take a lil bit lead. I’m taking the lead till we get to the gap between choices. Just right before we’d make another choice in this life. What is really going on there ?

We’d mostly find calculation and comparison there in every aspect possible. Feelings and emotions sometimes play their role to either screw or help us. And in fewer sometimes, we have our consciousness and awareness rules.

Sometimes when we find ourselves in the lead position, we get to have a prediction of the reaction we’d experience later on. Might help us a little to go through the ups and downs. Especially if we have the consciousness and the awareness up.

But I can’t help wondering, after all those choices I made in this particular life, that has brought me places (real places and state-of-mind places), after all the gratitude and all the regrets, is it really up to me to make all those choices ? Or I was (am still) just blinded by the ego playing God ? Since whatever choices I’d have made in the past, eventually will bring me in this one particular place where I am now (regarding the things that are certain no matter what between birth and death).

Somehow and some when between those agarbattis, I just lay down there and figure whatever may come as my choices in the table of life and whatever my choosing would be, all I have to do is just be prepared for the ups and downs, without getting too attach with it, cause I held high my responsibility (read: respond ability) attitude without losing style in the process.

Choices were in the table. We’ve chose. And in between is our attitude, our respond ability, the responsibility. Till the next choices lay in the table.

Peace... Izzatis ** NYC

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Cuba tenang kan diri..

Minggu sudah, saya kira minggu sedih saya.  Minggu ini, bukan juga minggu gembira saya.  Saya tak  mahu terus diulit kesedihan itu.  Kesedihan yang membawa saya kepada kedukaan.  Saya betul-beul kecewa dengan keadaan itu.  Saya hampir marah.  Saya yakin itu bukan kesalahan saya.  Saya juga yakin itu bukan kesilapan saya.  Kerana sikap dan kejahatan orang lain, saya menerima hukuman ini.

Tapi, waktu demi waktu. Saya fikir positif.  Ye.. jika itu bukan kesalahan dan kesilapan saya, tapi pasti ianya kerana kesalahan dan kesilapan saya yang lalu.  Biarlah..orang yang membuat kesilapan ia tetap bersalah.  Orang itu juga tak semestinya dihukum.  Mereka juga layak diberi kemaafan.  Seperti saya juga, jika saya silap, pasti saya inginkan keampunan.

Saya juga percaya, dengan datangnya dugaan ini mendekatkan kita dengan keinsafan.  Semoga saya tidak lalai dengan duniawi ini.  InsyaAllah

Apa pun keputusan nanti, saya terima dengan hati terbuka.  Saya juga rela memaafkan.  Kerana saya juga ingin dimaafkan.  Maafkan saya.

Nota kaki: Mari ke gym! Kerana jauh, ini sahaja yang dapat diisi dikala dan ketika waktu ini, tak lama dah, sedikit masa lagi ye Nur Izzati, harus tabah.. :)  Untuk ayah, semoga akan terus tersenyum untuk kami semua ye.  Ayah mampu dan hebat untuk menjadi pentadbir untuk sebuah tanggungjawab yang dipertanggungjawabkan kepada ayah kerana itu Ketua Negara percaya ayah boleh!!

Again, congrats ayah dan Ti doakan ayah sihat-sihat selalu, cayunk ayah & mama yang jauh d sana.

Itu hukum karma...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim ~ In The Name of Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful

Assalamualaikum semua dan Salam 11 Rabiul Akhir 1433H, 4 March 2012, hari Ahad
(Dengan sedikit senyuman)
Saya.Pening.Sedih.Penat.Kecewa.Sedikit Marah.Teraniaya.

Tapi saya tak tahu..Adakah saya patut merasai kesemuanya itu? Saya berfikir sejenak.  Adakah kejadian yang menimpa saya ini disebabkan perbuatan saya yang lalu?  Mungkin?  Mungkin juga tidak.  Semalamam tak tidur.  Semalaman juga asik terjaga².  Sudahlah dua menjak ni memang kurang sihat.  Saya menangis.
Saya.  Bukan meraih simpati.  Bukan mengadu domba.  Bukan apa² saja.  Saya cuma ingin meluahkan di sini.  Bukan tidak ada bahu untuk saya tumpangkan.  Bukan tidak ada kawan yang mendengar.  Bukan tidak ada yang simpati.  Cuma saya perlu luahkan dengan lebih dalam.  Saya tertekan.  Saya menangis lagi.
Saya.  Rasa teraniaya.  Rasa tak patut diperlakukan.  Rasa letih dengan semua ini.  Tapi mungkin ini hukum karma yang patut saya terima.  Mungkin perbuatan saya yang lampau.  Harus "dibayar" dengan cara ini.
Dalam ayat al-Quran Surah Al-Israk Ayat 7 yang bermaksud: Jika kamu berbuat kebaikan, maka faedahnya adalah untuk mu dan jika kamu berbuat kejahatan, maka berbalik kepada diri kamu juga. "
Hal ini juga dikatakan berkait dengan hukum karma yang menentukan amal perbuatan seseorang itu akan dibalas sama ada dengan kebaikan atau seba­liknya, bergantung pada tindakan mahupun perbuatan seseorang.
***saya jumpa dalam Google***
Dipetik ayat dalam Ombak Rindu:
Redha itu Ikhlas.Pasrah itu Berserah
Jika ini "galang-gantinya" saya Redha dan saya juga Pasrah.  InsyaAllah.Semoga Allah ampunkan dosa² umatNya.  Amin.
Nota kaki: Hari ini adalah hari paling perit dalam hidup saya menerima berita ini.  Saya akan tabah menerima sebarang keputusan nanti.  Doakan saya.