Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I believe in CHANGE

Do we have to believe in change ? That’s the next question.

Change happens, whether we want it or not. And you may pretend that everything is the same, but it is not.

One day, a friend asked me if ever I choose society over myself, and I replied I’ve chose society once just to learn that I should have choose myself. And the pain is still the same, the wound is not healing at all.

But whatever I choose, change happened. Like it or not.

I can only imagine what would it be if ever I choose myself that time. I would not be running like this, instead I would be staying and caring for my precious. Preparing to have my precious in less than 20 weeks.

But that’s not the change I’ve had and still having. I would not refer it as a change actually, but a loss, total loss. Since I chose the society, I lose everything. I’m not changing, but losing. Literally everything. In my words, death is a better fate than this.

Yet, I have to deal with this loss cause apparently I’m still breathing. The loss change me in every aspect of my life, if you want to call this a life. I have new pair of ‘eyes’ to see this world in a whole new perspective. And these perspectives I have are not easily accepted by the society, I couldn’t care less.

Change happens, change had happened. I am not the same person I was. So does the world as I see it, which I couldn’t care even less. But it seems the world can’t afford to lose one person to play in its stage. It’s like in every way, it tries to draw me back in the name of ‘change’. ‘Change’ as this world wants me to be, and ignoring what I’ve become. How funny is that?!

And I cried my eyes out today trying to convince the world that I don’t belong to their precious place. I am a dye in their milk pot. As the matter of fact I’m the trash and should be put in the trash can cause I chose to be one.

Pretending to open your arms and saying that everything is still the same, the past is already behind, while we all can see my stain is not likely going to fade/gone, is not helping at all. It only worsen everything that’s already worst.

Change happens, and I don’t have to believe in it. It just happens. And I am suppose to be able to accept that change, no matter how good and/or bad it is. So do you.

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